Here is the truth behind the suicide of the Sri Lankan School Girl Anuththara Kavindi Jayawardene, which reflected in many lankan news papers. Dr. Mareena Reffai passes the message of the misleading information about the media and the silence of the concerned school authorities.
Dear All,
I am the best friend of Mrs. Sandhya Kumari Jayawardene, the mother of Anuththara Kavindi Jayawardene, the 14-year old girl who is said to have hung herself with her school tie on 22nd July 2009 . Kavindi’s mother and I are best friends since August 2000 and Kavindi was a dear friend of my daughter, who was two years younger to her. I have known Kavindi quite closely since she was in Montessori with my daughter.
Her father is a professional/graduate Accountant and her mother too was in the accountancy field before she gave up her job upon marriage. Her mother is from Kegalle, an innocent, down-to-earth, virtuous woman who was a devout Buddhist. Kavindi was an only child, extraordinarily beautiful and was very shy. She was a studious girl whose report cards received from school always described her as a “Siyalu Dena Samaga Sahayogayen Kriya Karana, Vineetha, Keekaru, Sisuwiyeki”. Anyone can take a look at her school books and report cards and see if she seems a disturbed or disobedient girl.
Kavindi’s mother was the kind of woman who even went to the extent of having a Bodhi Poojawa for my daughter who was a non-Buddhist, when she was sitting for her 5th Grade Scholarship exam, thinking of someone else’s child as her own.
It is so saddening to hear that Kavindi’s name has been tarnished by the school making her look like a girl who was into porn, boyfriends and similar stuff whereas in actual sense she was a girl who did not even collect pictures of movie stars, cricketers or any such thing that a teenager of today would do but was always getting good grades at school and excelling in studies.
In fact, Kavindi was the pillar of strength to her mother during their family ordeal of Kavindi’s father going through a kidney transplant about two years ago. Athula, her father was not the “STRICT” father as depicted in the media. He in fact would return home and keep Kavindi on his lap and ask her what happened at school or joke with her about things on TV. Even after Kavindi attained age and showed all signs of a beautiful young lady, Athula petted her like a little girl.
She was very close to her mother, and till her death Kavindi’s world and after school activities involved playing with her little cousins next door and helping her mother with housework. She even knew how to cook, something only a handful of 14-year-olds today would know.
She encouraged her mother to do home-gardening and have plenty of vegetables grown in their 15 perch house and land, and loved seeing the produce being consumed. She was never into Facebook, computer games, hip electronic gadgets or any such thing. I was always in and out of their house as Sandhya was one of the few persons (apart from my own Mother) that I would trust to leave my daughter with whenever I had to leave my daughter with someone.
During the past 8 years, my daughter spent most of her holidays at their home where I would drop her off in the mornings and pick her up at evening and stay on for at least 1-2 hours chatting with my best friend. Whenever I called my daughter in between, Kavindi would talk to me too, and relate what they had been playing during the day and tell of their plans for evening play and I would often find Sandhya feeding both my daughter and hers, if I happen to call during lunch time. Kavindi played hide and seek, dolls, imaginary house, Lego and similar games with her mother, my daughter and her little cousins from next door and was innocent and unspoiled and a far cry from what is being told about her now.
It is sad to learn from her classmates that a Prefect from her school actually dragged her by her tie upon confronting her for having a mobile phone in her school bag (which did not even belong to her) and taken her to the Section Head’s office and also made her kneel in public and humiliated her by showing her to others. This fact would now be denied by school authorities for obvious reasons but for a child who has never been reprimanded in her entire life for indiscipline just cannot bear such humiliation, harassment and public embarrassment.
The school authorities should also appoint Counsellors in schools who are qualified enough to handle these kind of situations instead of having Teachers and mere school girls (Prefect Bullies) handling situations involving human emotions.
Even when her body was discovered hanging in the toilet, the teachers or authorities of the school had not even loosened her tie around the neck or given appropriate first aid to revive her.
The only thing this school can do now is to tarnish her good name and make her look like a “bad girl” who committed suicide, thereby deviating the attention of the public to the fact that the girl was suspected, embarrassed in public, emotionally abused and mishandled by Prefects and Teachers who were not capable of understanding emotions of a 14-year old and never thought of repercussions of misjudgement, harshness, cruelty and public humiliation. She had in fact begged that it is okay to tell about the incident to her mother but never to tell her father because he was a kidney patient whom Kavindi always feared would die if he faces sadness.
Kavindi was the type of girl who was so shy that she would even nudge me and her mother in embarrassment if we ever spoke out in public in protest for small injustices such as being over-charged at stores or such similar small incidents and tell “aney randu karanna epa ammey, nikam innako ammey, etc…” and blush in embarrassment. She is the type of girl who encouraged and loved the fact that her mother was among the very few mothers at her school who only wore a simple ‘Osariya’ whenever she had to visit Kavindi’s school. She never even allowed her mother’s Saree blouses to have a deep-cut neckline and would protest against any body part of her mother being shown in public. It is this virtuous charactered Kavindi who today is being portrayed as the girl who would watch porn or pose nude for her boyfriend and allow to be photographed or filmed.
Since the Police have found out that Kavindi is not the owner of the mobile in question, there were no porn in the mobile, there were no nude photos or sms directed to Kavindi, then why isn’t the school issuing a statement about the true owners of the mobile phone or the actual contents of the mobile?
Why isn’t the school ascertaining the fact that the mobile did not belong to Kavindi but to the other three students of the same school/class who had pooled and bought the mobile then slipped it into innocent and shy Kavindi’s school bag when the Prefects came along, checking for mobiles in their classroom?
Why isn’t the school talking about the two girls who subsequent to Kavindi’s hanging body being found tried to commit suicide, one by stabbing herself with a bottle and the other by consuming some toilet detergent, when they realized what they had done to their classmate Kavindi and their guilty consciousness took the better of them?
Today, a majority of Sri Lankans know Kavindi as the “girl who watched porn on her mobile and committed suicide in shame”, or “the girl who had her nude pictures in her mobile”, or “the girl who was mentally ill or depressed”, or “the girl whose parents were too strict” and such ghastly impressions.
At present, my best friend is a woman who hears her only child’s voice echoing around the house, sees her face every where, a broken woman with no hope for the future and a woman who wishes she died with Kavindi. She is a well-read but simple housewife whose world was woven around her only child. She is still that devout Buddhist who forgives the media for tarnishing her precious daughter’s name, forgives the people who did not provide timely first aid to her daughter when they found her hanging, forgives the prefects who manhandled her daughter, forgives the three girls who slipped the phone in Kavindi’s school bag and pushed her to death in shame, but the fact remains, Sandhya’s soul died along with her only child.
My only appeal to you is, despite misleading information by the media and complete silence maintained by the relevant school, to think logically about Kavindi’s name unduly tarnished along with her parents reputation.
Thank you.
Farah Azoor Tennakoon.
Nadia Fazlulhaq, from the Sunday Times, writes about the White frock presaged girl’s death.
Kavindi Jayawardene, at left, with a friend. “She was a very loving child, a hard-working student, and a devout Buddhist.”
Sadly, she would not live to fulfil her New Year wishes. Kavindi took her life last week, leaving her friends, family and school in a state of shock and grief. Kavindi, an only child, was a Grade 9 English medium student at leading Colombo girls’ school, Musaeus College.
According to Kavindi’s mother, Sandya Kumari Jayawardene (45), just one week before the family tragedy mother and daughter went shopping for clothes, and Kavindi had wanted to buy two white frocks.
Sandya Kumari Jayawardene said her daughter would always give her parents handmade gifts.
“I asked her why she wanted white, and whether she was thinking of going to a funeral,” the mother told the Sunday Times. “We never dreamt we would be attending a funeral from our own house, or that it would be Kavindi’s funeral.” Kavindi’s suicide makes no sense to her parents.
“She loved and respected life,” Mrs. Jayawardene said. “We cannot understand why she would have done this. She showed no signs of stress, fear or depression.” Her parents described their dead daughter as a loving child, a hard-working student, and a devout Buddhist. “Kavindi excelled in information technology,” her mother said. “She loved to be with her computer.
“She would offer flowers to the Lord Buddha at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day,” Mrs Jayawardene said. “For our birthdays, she would make a beautiful gift for my husband Athula and myself. She wanted to give us something she had made herself, not bought from a shop. One year she made me a lovely red pearl bracelet.”
When she was boarded at a family friend’s home for three months, at the time her father was undergoing a kidney transplant, Kavindi would call daily to ask about her father’s condition.
“She worried whether her father would survive the operation,” her mother said. Kavindi took her life after the school authorities took her to task for bringing a mobile phone to school. The school has refused to allow the Sunday Times to talk to the teachers at Musaeus and Kavindi’s classmates.
Pics by Saman Kariyawasam.
kingsujit40: 
Md. shuvo: 
sankar: 
dont worry about it: 
durai: 
Dear Editor,
I have been following the incident at Musaeus College where Anuthara Kavindi Jayawardene from Malabe committed suicide due to an issue at the school.
First and foremost, I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to Anuthara’s parents. Only those who have lost something so precious can understand the pain her parents may feel. I do hope that you will find peace amidst all this.
A child committing suicide, either by hanging, poisoning and any other method, is indeed a tragedy. I would like to thank Professor Ravindra Fernando for his illuminating statistics and for clarifying that “99% of them were NOT mentally ill. Almost all of them ingested poisons on sudden impulse and were regretting, ashamed and guilty about the event, and certainly wanted to live when hospitalized”.
I have a thought. In this “Budun Wediya Rate`” if children are committing suicide on sudden impulses, there is something wrong. The problem could very well be in the education system, or with the school. The blame could also fall on the parents. My thought is that while Anuthara’s sudden impulse and ill-advised decision cost her own life and her parents the only child they had, the reason for the sudden impulse could have been more than one.
If a child commits suicides every time a teacher mistreats or punishes them, I don’t thin we will have children left to attend schools. In one case if a teacher yells at a student, the student will commit suicide and in another case the student will realize what he/she had done and correct the mistake and go on to become a good citizen. I remember, in year 9 I was the class monitor and I cut one class and walked around the school because I was bored. My grade supervisor caught me, dragged me to the class, slapped me right across the face and yelled at me in front of the whole class and then made me kneel in the sandy road in front of the building for a whole period in the burning sun. I didn’t cut classes ever again. I’m not saying what he did was either right or wrong. He could have acted differently. However, on the last day of school, I went to see him and worshipped him with love and respect. Even to this day, I remember him fondly.
I was surprised and disappointed by the behavior of “award winning” journalist Ms. Renee Mohamed of the Sunday Leader. It is apparent from her articles that she is more interested in attacking Musaeus College and tarnish it’s name as well as attacking anyone who opposes her than to actually report the facts and find out the truth about the incident. Ms. Mohamed seems to want to have the last word. I’m sure it is helpful that your articles are being published in YOUR newspaper. Unfortunately, your readers don’t have the same advantage as you do. Ms. Mohamed and the Editor in chief, Sunday Leader is “UNBOWED AND UNAFRAID”, are you sure that you are at all “UNBIASED”?
Ms. Mohamed calls Musaeus College the school that failed. I understand that when it comes to human life, even loss of 1 out of a billion is not acceptable. But, Ms. Mohamed, how do you define failure? Does the impulsive behavior of 2 children who were misguided or disturbed overshadow the accomplishments of 30000+ students during 114 years? If so we live in a world full of failures. Unfortunately, that includes you too as undoubtedly you would have been a student in one of Sri Lanka’s failed schools. I can tell you one thing. Musaeus was here before Ms. Mohamed and her editor was even born. Musaeus was here even before Sunday Leader was started. And I’m very sure that Sunday Leader will be there after all of us have died and Sunday Leader goes bankrupt. Just remember the old saying “ballo biruwata kandu pahath wenne nehe”.
It is a known fact that all the parents try to enroll their children in so called “elite” schools. As the Editor in chief had explicitly stated, “elite” schools get more negative attention than “not-so-elite” schools during an incident. If 119 children had committed suicide in 2007, for the sake of justice, each and every incident should have been covered by the Sunday Leader. As we all know “Pala ethi rukata wawulo wahanawa”. This marked me want to ask, is this really about Anuthara Jayawardene or is this just an attack on an “elite” school? Are the lives of other 118 children who died are not important? Is the pain of their parents trivial? Wasn’t it important to find out how and why they died so that we can do something to stop teenagers from committing suicide again? Or does the fact remains that you found the tree with most delicious fruit to land on? If that’s the case, you are nothing more than mere vultures who are feeding on someone else’s misfortune?
Every person, regardless of age gender or race, will be loyal to what they hold precious. People who don’t have that feeling are called “traitors” and are sometimes shot to death. All humans have pride. When attacked, everyone has a right to defend themselves. The Museaites are also defending their school from these unwarranted attacks. As far as I could understand, they are not saying that they are happy that Anuthara died. They are not saying that the prefects or the teachers involved acted accordingly. They are just saying that stop attacking my school because of something that happened. Let authorities and professionals find out what happened and then try to figure out what to do. It is tragic that two students of the same school committed suicide. I’m sure there are other schools with similar situations. But attacking Musaeus isn’t going to bring either Anuthara or other children who committed suicide back to life. What we need to do is found out what happened and find solutions so that nothing like this will happen ever again.
I have one more thought. Did you realize the pain you’re causing the parents on Anuthara by dragging this on rather than letting them find peace and let Anuthara rest in peace?
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When I heard of a girl jumping off a balcony of Museaus College and committing suicide sometime back I accepted the explanation in the media (obviously provided by the school) that this girl was suffering from depression and the parents were at fault for not informing the school.
When Kavindi Jayawrdena was found supposedly hanging in the teacher’s toilet the rest of the country accepted the school’s explanation through the media just as I did the last time.
Let me tell you my concerns and inability to accept the school’s explanation this time; I am sure the rest of you too would start thinking of why two young girls of the same institution decided to commit suicide due to their parents fault as this school is eager to make us believe.
I am a parent of a 14 year old girl (only child) and am fully aware of the growing pains of a teenager of this age. A fourteen year old is half child, an adolescent full of curiosity and unaware of the changes taking place in her life.
If this fourteen year old was in the procession of a mobile phone which is banned from school, what right has this institution exercised to chastise her in a manner that would lead her to harm her self? I doubt very much that Kavindi really took her own life.
I know now that the phones contained no harmful material or images as the school has led the public believe; the banning of cell phones in schools has further reinforced this myth. Why does this school try so hard to blame an innocent 14 year old girl and parents who have lost every thing having two deaths of students in one school within 2 years?
No action has been taken to investigate the real reasons for their deaths. Are parents of the other 6000 students in this institution convinced that their children will have an education which will make them good and responsible human beings having witnessed such horrendous situations and made to believe that this is ok and the victims are to be blamed for their deaths?
This institution that is called a school is hiding a dark secret with teachers acting as gods supreme commanders breeding prefects wielding ultimate powers over innocent children coming there in search of an education. Teachers hold the power of life and death of students in this school.
A school as I know it and would like it to be, is place of education for children with gentle guidance to life reinforcing the good values parents and society instills in growing children. If a child commits a wrong doing it is the duty of the school to handle it with wisdom and thought of the impact of the corrective action on the growing child’s mind and future. Are the teachers at this institution qualified psychologists or even educated in psychology which should be mandatory for all teachers.
How is it that the prefects wielded absolute power to reprimand a fellow student to such an extent that she would take her own life? Eye witnesses who are silent due to unknown pressure today have seen Kavindi being dragged by her tie (with which she is supposed to have hanged her self) by a prefect of this school.
She was locked up in the teacher’s room and found hanging in the teacher’s toilet (note and not in the students toilet); can this be accepted as plausible explanation for the death of a 14 year old student?
What happened to the other girls who inflicted harm to themselves as a result of this incident? How did the school buy their silence? After such a harrowing experience, their parents are willing to risk the lives of their own children by keeping silent and letting the school get away with murder.
Kavindi a beautiful 14 year old child, a flower nipped in the bud is silent today. We will never know the truth unless some one comes forward as a decent human being is expected to do and tell the world the truth about the cruelty exercised by an education institution on children who dared break their rules.
Mostly I would like to tell the world that the only crime Kavindi committed was to be found with a friend’s mobile phone in the schools premises; she did not own a mobile phone given by her parents or a so called boy friend. She is the only child of a professional accountant, a kidney transplant patient and not a cruel father who beat his only child.
The mother is a house wife who’s entire life was formed around little Kavinidi. She was a good student averaging 80% in all her subjects; she played the organ to sooth her mind at trouble times. She was surrounded by almost 30 cousins from the 14 siblings of her father’s side.
The school where she studied for 9 years did not offer a prayer for Kavindi while she was fighting for her life for two days in the ICU of a private hospital nor did they have a white flag at the school on the day of the funeral.
When she was found on this fateful day, supposedly after hanging her self, the teachers did not loosen the tie that was around her neck which would have saved her life nor rush her to the accident ward of the general hospital across the road from the school.
They hurried to the police station to make an entry prior to making any efforts to save her life and did not mention the reason for her condition when entering her to the private hospital which further delayed any action that would eventually have saved her life.
Before finally moving Kavindi out of your mind pleases dwell on what I have said for a moment and convince you’re self that parents of today should endure such atrocities solely in the name of an Education.
Kavindi may you rest in peace knowing at least that one individual in this world believes in the innocence of your fourteen year old mind.